War on Myself: Part 2

Me, okay with myself!  Whoa.

Me, okay with myself! Whoa.

The Lord told me to sit. So I sat. He told me to clear my mind- so I breathed in, and out. A couple of dozen long breaths later, my breath was my world and I found myself truly in God’s presence. I was nothing, He was(is) everything.
There I sat, in the silence of the Holy Spirit’s dwelling place (me!), more peaceful than I have been in who knows how long. God brought two words to my mind.

“Desperately Beautiful”

                 And that was it, that was His voice I had heard. I felt like I was following a bread crumb trail, but to somewhere beautiful and safe instead of my doom in a candy oven.

The phrase desperately beautiful is one that easily describes me. I am desperate to make myself beautiful- I want my looks and actions to inspire praise among my fellow men. Suddenly, I saw myself through God’s eyes- Laura Jean, His desperately beautiful child. What do you tell a child who believes she is never going to be ENOUGH?

The truth. That I am enough. I am smart enough, beautiful enough, hard-working enough. I am thin enough, I eat honestly enough, I am enough because God made me enough. I will never be perfect, but I am who He made me to be, and He knows exactly where I am at in every aspect of my life.

I am enough because………

……I am His.

                 Wow. Praise God!! I can love myself because I am good. I am always growing in Him, and I can love myself for who He is making me to be as well. Here’s a journal entry from yesterday, after I posted part 1.

I am Laura and I love myself! I love my quiet, collected demeanor, my passion for serious subjects like God and the meaning of life. I love my round stomach and thin frame. I love my sideways-teepee nose and small chin. I love my scarred, sometimes acne filled face. I love my strong legs and strong abs, my upper arm muscles that can do 15 pushups in a row. I love my red/blonde hair and its crazy, curly fly-aways. I love my big blue eyes and my understated blonde eyebrows and eyelashes. I love my thin feet and small ankles. I love my tiny waist and my wider hips. I love all these things because God, my God, has made them, and He is good and He said I was good.”

That’s all for now, folks! I have so much more to say on what God has been teaching me, but I’d like to keep this relatively short and sweet and to the point. Stay tuned for part 3!

I love you, Deedee! And Hi Mom! And Kate and Aaron and Millie, and anyone else I know who’s reading this. You are all a blessing to me and I praise God for your presences in my life!

 

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